You're kidding, right? .'.

Okay okay,

So there was one minor flaw in my plan...
.. I didn't have a CD burner.

yes yes, it seems obvious - but I've been relying on being networked to Rachel's laptop for creating CDs, and she only left yesterday..
..anyhoo - to the point:

I've had a lot of luck at computer stores so far, and so I didn't quite "get" the references made in Penny Arcade.
Well - I take it all back. I just popped down to CompUSA to buy an external CD burner (wearing big, obvious headphones so as not to have my refined shopping trip disturbed by some helpful customer service assistant.).
Got to the checkout, pulled off my headphones (to be polite) and met my first American Computer-Store Robot/Retard. Un-fuckin-believable :)

First, she helpfully offers to sign me up for the "protection plan", where a big guy with an uzi follows me home and then watches over me for a year, making sure everything is all right, for only $11.

her: If you're not going to be burning many CDs then I'd recommend it, but if you're going to be burning a lot of CDs then I'd definately recommend it.
me: ... (giving her a passive, but mildly amused look)
her:
me: .... (giving her a passive, yet bored look)
her: ... Yes, see, like, it's faster because it's.. faster.. and it has more RAM
me: really? Is it full duplex?
her: .. yah...
me: does it have a 12-bit cache and support semi-cortical displacement?
her: I'm pretty sure it does, I think I read that.
me: hmm.. well in that case... no.